I want to stress this again: In many, many parts of the country right now, if you want to go to see a movie in the theater and see a current movie about a woman — any story about any woman that isn’t a documentary or a cartoon — you can’t. You cannot. There are not any. You cannot take yourself to one, take your friend to one, take your daughter to one.
There are not any.
By far your best shot, numbers-wise, at finding one that’s at least even-handedly featuring a man and a woman is Before Midnight (on 891 screens) so I hope you like it. Because it’s pretty much that or a solid, impenetrable wall of movies about dudes.
Dudes in capes, dudes in cars, dudes in space, dudes drinking, dudes smoking, dudes doing magic tricks, dudes being funny, dudes being dramatic, dudes flying through the air, dudes blowing up, dudes getting killed, dudes saving and kissing women and children, and dudes glowering at each other.
Somebody asked me this morning what “the women” are going to do about this. I don’t know. I honestly am at the point where I have no idea what to do about it. Stop going to the movies? Boycott everything?
They put up Bridesmaids, we went. They put up Pitch Perfect, we went. They put up The Devil Wears Prada, which was in two-thousand-meryl-streeping-oh-six, and we went (and by “we,” I do not just mean women; I mean we, the humans), and all of it has led right here, right to this place. Right to the land of zippedy-doo-dah. You can apparently make an endless collection of high-priced action flops and everybody says “win some, lose some” and nobody decides that They Are Poison, but it feels like every “surprise success” about women is an anomaly and every failure is an abject lesson about how we really ought to just leave it all to The Rock.” —
The whole article is fantastic, as is pretty much everything Linda Holmes writes.
1. Having your decade old blowdryer break so you have to purchase a new one. Did you guys know that if you purchase a slightly nice blowdryer and brush your hair actually looks better?
2. Browsing shelter websites of precious dogs for hours on end.
3. Sneaking in booze to the movie theater with your best friend. It kind of seems like destiny to us when the beer looks exactly like the green tea whose bottle we have used.
4. Everything about this. Four of our favorite humans.
5. French fries covered in delicious things. If you don’t like a good chili cheese fry from time to time then get outta here yo. We can’t party together.
― Alan Cohen” —(via beibadgirl)
I have such conflicted feelings about Maroon 5.
I made my entire family listen to their first album at the dinner table one night, because I felt like it spoke to me so much. I was 12.
I thoroughly enjoy their song, “Love Somebody” that the radio continually plays and I continually cry to.
Also, this should make you feel awesome.
1. Pizza. Classic we know. It truly deserves all the love it receives.
2. Human Giant. Specifically this…
3. Friendship. But really. Don’t take it for granted.
4. Pictures of Leonardo Dicaprio that float around the Internet. Can’t even choose which one to post here, they all just deserve so much attention and love.
5. Early bedtimes. Quit playin like it don’t feel good to hit the hay at 8:30 every once in awhile. (Or multiple times a week.)
Hug. People. That. You. Love.
Tell them that you do. Again and again.
Heavy heavy boots today after hearing horrible news about someone that I knew for a brief time but packed a big punch.
Stop reading this dumb thing and tell someone right now.Ash.
Last night I talked to my oldest and dearest friend for 3 hours. We’ve been in different states for the last 3 years and yet, nothing about our relationship has changed. I think not having a blood related sister has caused me to have an even stronger bond with my close knit female friends. I can’t quite put into words how many times they’ve saved me and the comfort that comes from knowing no matter how many miles between, I can call one of them and suddenly burst into tears about life and when they tell me it’s going to be okay, I know it’s going to be okay.
In one week I have been thought to be both 18 and 31 so… moving to a cave now I suppose.
So it seems like maybe I’ve been in the middle of a like… three year crisis. Ok, let’s not be dramatic. Two and a half years. What have I been doing with myself? Let’s explore.
We moved to Pennsylvania almost three years ago. I’ve written before about how that was a starry eyed period for me when I was convinced the world was my oyster. I was moving here and going to take comedy classes and maybe even attend “real school” for awhile. I had just left a job that was sucking the life out of me (dementor style) and causing me an inordinate amount of stress. I was done with that life ya’ll. I was gonna do me. Find something that wasn’t miserable while I explored this shiny new me that I was going to cultivate into a writing master. I had no idea how I was going to do these things, but they were going to happen.
In the time between then and now, I DID manage to do quite a few things. I got to spend time with my family, something I hadn’t been able to do the four years I was living in Dallas. That was great. I did take ONE (O N E. ONE. UNO.) improv class. I took one english class for one semester. Online. I wrote with Taylor and finished a short screenplay that was dear to our hearts and came up with a lot of ideas for projects in the future. Then I left them there. In the future. I booked my plane tickets to visit LA. A place we have committed to moving to. I visited. I’ve been in the process of going through ridiculous family issues and drama that have nothing but everything to do with me all at the same time. I watched a LOT of TV and a lot of movies and wrote down what I felt about them as if someone would read it and think “Now isn’t that poignant!” or something. I did community service projects and met with people and talked about things that are important to me and listened to them talk too. I went to concerts and ate cheese steaks and visited New York and DC and saw my friends a lot.
But something has felt a little bit off. Through all of it. All of it. And I’ve had a hard time figuring out what that meant. Until recently.
Not too long ago, I was crying. Haha. Right? I NEVER do that. (I constantly do that.) But my husband, in all of his infinite wisdom told me something. He’s said it to me before and it went in one ear and out the other. Now keep in mind, I’m a good listener and I wasn’t IGNORING his advice I just don’t think I was ready to hear it until now. He told me that I needed to find something that made me happy, and spend my days doing that. I quickly retorted something about wanting to write. He lovingly explained to me that while he knew that, he also knew that I’ve been spending every day working towards the goal of writing while simultaneously spending hours and hours and hours every week at a job that I HATE. Ha. Well… duh. Now just for some background, my husband is a full time working functioning human of society. But more importantly, he’s not only amazing at his job… he actually likes it. If he could choose anything on the Earth to do as a “job” it would be something involved with the world of technology. Which is not what he does now. But even still, he LIKES his job. He likes the people and what he does and what he gets from it.
Oh. I… super don’t at mine. I mean, if not for the people I probably would have ripped my own face off a long time ago.
So while I’ve been doing all of these great things for all of the time that we’ve been here, and I mean…. realistically since way before that since I was previously working in a job that I hated 1000 times more (if that’s possible) I’ve been missing THAT. I am CHOOSING to be unhappy and tired and cranky because of a job that I CHOSE.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am thrilled to have a job. To have TWO jobs at this point. I realize that there are a LOT of people who cannot say the same. But I’m going to stay up on my soapbox a little bit longer.
I’m doing this to myself. I’ve been doing this to myself. I get up at 430 AM 4-5 days a week. I’m pretty much always tired. Which makes me irritable. Which probably makes me a nightmare to be around. A lot of the time. 4-5 days a week. Gross.
Did I mention that I’ve chosen to stay at this shitty job this whole time and that is just now hitting me?
Then The Office finale premiered. I promise this is related. I, along with everyone else ever (I hope) heard Pam Halpert say this:
“It took me so long to do so many important things. It’s just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been. Jim was five feet from my desk and it took me four years to get to him. It’d be great if people saw this documentary and learned from my mistakes. Not that I’m a tragic person. I’m really happy now. But it would just- just make my heart soar if someone out there saw this and she said to herself, “Be strong. Trust Yourself. Love yourself. Conquer your fears - just go after what you want. And act fast, because life just isn’t that long.”“
THAT IS ME! WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING? LET YOUR HEART SOAR PAM. LET IT SOAR.
There is no excuse for letting myself be miserable. If you’re still reading this… #1 bless your heart for sticking with it. #2 I think this is more for me than for anyone else. I don’t know what took me so long to figure out that I have got to get it together but I guess I owe my husband and Pam Beesley-Halpert like a thousand rounds of smoothies and a million hugs.
Guys I am REALLY scared to move to LA. I’m scared to stay here in PA. I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know how I’m going to figure it out. But there aren’t really any other options. I think this is a step in the right direction. Typing it out and posting it here means more people are going to know this is my mindset instead of just keeping it around my own brain day in and day out. Because really, this is the kind of thing you always know but don’t acknowledge right?
That feels like a whole lot of nonsense. While also feeling like a total underreaction to the fact that I’ve tricked myself for the last couple of years of my life. And I’m going to have to wake up tomorrow and do the same thing. Ha. Haha. Oh man guys. Some things aren’t going to change. But I really want a lot of them to. Quite a lot of realizations to acknowledge in one weeks time. Perhaps for now I’ll just go back to eating a lot of Oreo’s and crying because of the power of the people in bringing Arrested Development back.
Good Lord I think I’ve said enough.
I once wrote a short story as a preteen about a girl’s parents dying and leaving her their diner to run and the responsibility of protecting/taking care of her special needs brother.
I had planned on playing the girl and casting Ashton Kutcher as the brother. I took it 100% seriously.
I am going to be wildly successful.
Okay. Happy Memorial Day.
1. Throat/cough drops are the only thing keeping Ash alive at this point.
2. Eating frozen fruit off a plate because you don’t own a blender. Class!
3. Nashville. We can barely even mention any of the characters without weeping after the season finale.
4. Taylor discovered Jeremy Piven’s Instagram…
5. Perfect examples of the statement above. You are urged to investigate.
I’m going to continue to use this as my outlet to express the confusion at my current job situation.
Saturday night, while working a late night shift with what seems to be a case of bronchitis I witnessed some alarming individuals. Namely a grown man asleep on top of a trash can with a half eaten hoagie in his lap and his equally wasted best pal. His best pal who asked me for weed three times and repeatedly tried to blow me kisses while he spilled an entire soda on the ground. ATTENTION GROWN MEN. NO. THESE ARE NOT OPTIONS FOR YOU. PLEASE GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER.
Have I mentioned I’m doing this so I can move to LA in 5 months?