the baby bangs

Tay here. This past weekend, the Blevins and I ventured to the magnificent state of North Carolina. The road trip was comprised of me inventing a comic book character based upon Ash and her assets, Nate dancing to Rihanna approximately 1,489,729,834 times and all of us eating enough french fries to last us a lifetime. We made the journey for our friend, Juddson’s nuptials and stayed with our dear friend, Mary Dodd, who lives in Charlotte.

The trip only lasted three days, but everything that occurred exceeded our expectations. It was filled with moments that even in the moment, I couldn’t believe I was enjoying myself so much. Even simple outings like finding a restaurant or driving in a car together was a mini adventure. I know the word adventure is beginning to get a bad wrap like the word quirky or unique, but seriously the whole weekend was a magical adventure. We saw a shooting star for goodness’ sake. How often does that really happen? We went to a house party. Now, I need to fully explain this. The house party was just like the parties in movies that none of us were previously never invited to. In Zach Shea’s words, “so it was a Jimmy Eat World music video?” We drank straight gin. There were all sorts of interesting characters roaming about. As usual, I lost myself in Michael Jackson songs and danced my little heart out. However, this time was one of the most intense dance floor moments of my life since the strobe lights caused me not to see a tall bearded gentleman until he was a few inches away from my face and I was so startled I screamed. I screamed in a stranger’s face.  

The barn wedding was beautiful. I sound ridiculously cliche if I call it simple, rustic and elegant, but that is exactly what it was. I teared up during the ceremony because I am a crybaby and everything causes me to cry, but especially because I have known the groom and two of his groomsmen for nearly 10 years. I grew up with these guys. Most of the teenage memories I hold dearest involve one or all three of them. We have seen each other at our best and worst. For obvious reasons, weddings stir up sentimentality in me and all other humans with hearts. I live 1500 miles away from most of my friends, so to see most of us brought together to witness a sacred proclamation of love was a profoundly meaningful and perfect event.

It is such a strange feeling realizing you have entered adulthood. What does this even mean? Does the fact I live on my own, have a car, go to work everyday and can purchase booze really classify me as an adult? I caught myself looking at everyone and listening to what they are up to and flat out amazed at how much time has passed. How quickly time flies. How so much can change and yet stay exactly the same. I vividly remember, on numerous occasions, my father telling me not to wish my life away. I remember wanting nothing as badly as I wanted to be in my 20s and out of my parents’ house. I thought I was going to have everything figured out in my 20s. As each year passes, the realization that I know very little about anything becomes more and more evident. I have had to come to peace with this. I am actually excited by the idea of having endless opportunities, open options and a plethora of things to learn.

I may fully admit to being young and stupid at times, but I am also quite aware of what is most important in life. People. Hold the people you love and care about close and continually show them. Even if you are on a separate part of the globe, you can always give them a call or write them a quick letter. It could make all the difference in their life right now. Enjoy the simple silly times you share with them. Everything I have ever gathered from school, church, books, movies and life leads me to this: connecting to others is what truly matters.

And now a few priceless pictures from the trip.  

Getting the party started. Laaaadddiiiieeeessss holla.

Dodd & I looking real excited to be together & the crepes we are about to devour.

Our brunch attire. 

Me with the gorgeous newlyweds, Kerri & Juddson.

Two of my forever favorite guys, Andrew & Zachary.

Is there anything better than reliving high school/clown school by piling all your besties into a tiny car? 

All of us after being as rowdy as possible in a Chili’s Bar & Grill. Yeah, we do love Chili’s! Get over it! REBELS!

Gavin Degraw is going to be on this season of Dancing with the Stars. 

This is his near future. I am so sad right now. 

1. Jesse Tyler Ferguson. He is consistently hilarious on one of our favorite shows, Modern Family. This week, he was a co-host on The View and even out of character he was just as funny and adorable. 

2. Pre-made salads. We are all for being healthy & the whole eating vegetables thing, but we are also lazy. Win win.

3. Men wearing ladies’ funky clothing. We’re looking at you, certain American Idol judge.

4. Talking about weddings. As females, we don’t have to be engaged or know anyone engaged and can still enjoy discussing this topic endlessly.

5. This commercial is short and simple, but hilarious and perfect. 

Both of us are getting real into this season of American Idol. Basically, Tay needs this man to be her husband and Ash is more than agreeable to that becoming a reality. If you are a straight woman, the song below is going to make your clothes melt off. Enjoy!

It is both infuriating and comforting to come to the conclusion that life is never what we expect. In 8 months, I will turn 23. This is the age my mother was when she gave birth to me. At that point, she had already been married to my father for 3 years. Um, yikes. I don’t even have a dog. Hell, I don’t even have a plant. I know times are different. I know I am happy with my current stage of life 90% of the time. I definitely know I am not signing up to be a wife or mother anytime soon. However, as I’m writing this at 5am, I can’t help but feel overwhelmed. I can get stressed and let most things go. One question consistently plagues me, though.

How does one find love and keep it?  

This is the most terrifying question I can think of. Seriously, if there was a way to harness energy from women thinking about, worrying about, and discussing this question, the Earth’s environment would forever be saved. Love is what makes the world go round. Everyone wakes up hoping that today is the day they will meet their other half. As much as they appreciate and would not be the same without the warm embrace of a cherished friend or an encouraging kiss from a parent, all of us single folks are simply searching. Everyone from the needy, never had a boyfriend, mousy girl to the gorgeous, hilarious, confident guy is dreaming of encountering a person that understands them on every level and causes their heart to skip a beat. 

What I am about to admit is not easy. I have spent approximately 15 years putting up walls to protect myself. I am a master of being sarcastic. I am fiercely independent, like Kelly Clarkson breakup song type of independent. I attempt to convince myself and others I don’t really believe in soul mates. I am wrapped in a false cloak of cynicism. 

I, Taylor, am a hopeless romantic.

This all probably has to do with the fact I fall in love really easily. It took me about half a millisecond to fall in love with the following things: Wawa mac n’ cheese, Jason Segel, gnome figurines, Levi’s jeggings, every single character from Workaholics, my current shower curtain… the list could go on forever. I am a very enthusiastic person. I get on board with things really quickly and then am shocked and hurt when they don’t turn out as well as I hoped. The thing about humans is that once we get hurt by something, we have a tendency to avoid it at all costs. Some of us become overly harsh and cold. Some of us sabotage ourselves. Rarely do we experience the worst and want to relive it all over again. The difficult part about life, in all regards, is the part about being open. Sometimes we have to let optimism and intuition overrule logic and reason.

Earlier this week, I went out on the town for a classic ladies night. This means two of my besties and I smuggled gas station snacks into a movie theater and made obnoxious observations. The movie we sat in awe of was “The Vow.” Yes, it had cheesy moments. Yes, Rachel McAdams wears terrible wigs. Yes, you see Channing Tatum’s bare butt-cheeks. At last, it is predictable and fills you with the warm fuzzy feelings you expect. We were wrapped up in the story, primarily because it is based on true events. Obviously, the story was fabricated and dramatized for it to be a marketable romantic blockbuster, but somewhere out there a real life woman lost her memory and a real life man made the effort to capture her heart all over again.

This concept is not new. I began to think about this devastating yet inspiring occurrence and realized that in the last month alone, I have been engrossed in 5 (FREAKING FIVE) tales revolving around the leading lady losing her ability to recollect who the leading man is or ever being romantically involved with him. In all of them, the gentleman could have easily abandoned the gentlewoman. The guys could have relished in receiving a free pass to be single and explore the world of bar bimbos or the ability to enjoy life without the complications of dealing with a woman who doesn’t recognize him. Instead of these easy out scenarios, they fight for them with everything they have to win her over. I imagine getting a female to fall head over heels for you once is a difficult task, getting her to re-fall in love with you seems like an impossible one.

I cannot get over how impressed I am by these stories. The men sacrificed in an attempt to give these women a glimpse, a tiny inkling of the once in a lifetime love they had. Each story is surprisingly different and each one destroyed me. I think what gets me is the perseverance and persistence of it all. The blind leap of faith to grab a hold of something life altering. 

So, if you have been holding yourself back from loving yourself or others in any way, try not to over think it. Let’s toss caution to the wind. I don’t know why I’ve been using multiple motivational speaker phrases lately or why I have the urge to run down the streets grabbing strangers by the collar exclaiming, “Never go a day without making those you care about aware of it!” Tomorrow, I’ll probably be back to my just one of the guys attitude, but for now I’m the sappiest girl in the world telling you to go for it and never look back. 

And now a chronicle of the love stories that have caused me to be such a sentimental cherub baby. 

I had never even seen an episode of the TV show “Chuck,” but thanks to my obsessive habit of watching series finales I got to experience this precious moment of him explaining their love story to her. 

In “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind” both voluntarily lose specific memories of each other, but his own heart and head refuse to let go.

In “The Vow” he refuses to let her lose herself. Even if her future doesn’t include him, he just wants her to find herself and be truly happy. 

He meets her when she already has the brain trauma in “50 first dates” but is so crazy about her that every day for the rest of their lives pursues her.  

“The Notebook” is a classic with ladies and gents alike. After all those years, they couldn’t let each other go, no matter what the odds. 

Me after watching these sort of things. 

Ash: I’m at the library. Did you want me to pick up Clay Aiken’s book for you?

Tay: Honestly, I would read it. I want it now. 

Ash: It is here waiting for you!

Tay: I’m going to buy it off Amazon so my tears, highlighted passages and notes in the margins don’t bother future readers. 

Ash: His beady eyes hold the wisdom of the ages. 

I’m sitting here writing this from the airport as I fly home from Dallas on a Thursday afternoon. I’ve been here in Texas for the last couple of days so I could spend time with one of my closest friends in what is certainly one of the most difficult times of her life thus far. I’m feeling very sentimental, slightly moody, and ready to write. So here are a few things I’ve been pondering this week as I attempted to offer my support.

The older I get, the more I realize how UNBELIEVABLY important it is to have people in your life who encourage, strengthen, and enrich you. I have a lot of acquaintances. I have quite a few friends. But there are a handful of people in this world who absolutely understand me and have what it takes to get me moving in the right direction. And to them, I am overwhelmingly thankful. Sisters. There have been countless hours spent on late night talks, tears and laughs. Questions that no one really knows the answers to, and observations with the ability to completely blow our minds. The people who you can see across a room and already know what they’re thinking. Hold a conversation with a glance. Who have the right to call you out, or tell you that shirt looks insane. Who are the first to send you a text and say I love you and want you to know it. To anyone who doesn’t have at least one of these people in your life, find one. Do whatever it takes.

Now I’m at home. (Time traveler!) The day that I wrote this, I said goodbye to that friend going through the tough time not sure when I’ll get to see her again. My best friends Mom called to inquire about my life. I sat in the middle of the journal aisle at Target and listened to music that I’m plotting to put in a movie. My husband picked me up from the airport and made me feel at home in an instant. When I got to my apartment my best friend had left me flowers, a card, and a ridiculously large magazine on the table of my living room that she had straightened up. Probably the best people I know.

Make sure that you have at least one person in your life who is willing to tell you not only to back up when you’re out of line, but to get going when you’re not being crazy enough. I promise you, you won’t regret it.

1. This quote from Nate: “So Taylor is from Texas, Jillian is from Mississippi and Mary is from North Carolina… What are you guys, the real life Dixie Chicks?”

2. Louis C.K. on Parks and Recreation last night. He and Adam Scott were out of control hilarious. We wish he were on the show all the time.

3. Boots. Seriously, why wear anything else? Do any of us even know how to tie shoes at this point?

4. http://hellogiggles.com/if-love-is-a-battlefield-how-long-should-we-continue-to-fight

5. Phillip Phillips Jr. or as we call him The Corduroy King is absolutely precious and one of our favorite current American Idol contestants. 

Tay here. If this picture wasn’t frightening and obnoxious enough, there is more to it. Yesterday, I was at the dentists’ office flipping through a magazine and came across this little gem. Obviously, I just had to take a picture to share with EVERYONE I know. Within hours of taking the picture, but saving it for a rainy day to actually share, I get a text from my mother. The text is this picture! Um, creepy. Even though I’m 1500 miles away from my dear old mom, we apparently are doing or thinking about the same thing at all times. But I mean who could resist this dangerous rider? Seriously, who purchases these? There was no price listed, but I’m sure these are probably hundreds of dollars. This makes me sad to think there is a lonely woman wasting her savings on collecting these. It makes me even sadder to think one day I’ll be enamored by something random, disgusting and pricey but not be able to stop myself. 

Hello all! This is Ash. This week I am doing a little bit of traveling to and from our old stomping grounds of Dallas. While waiting at my terminal in Philadelphia, I had the pleasure of experiencing a number of extremely interesting characters. Here is a small taste of what I witnessed. 

- A young guy wearing all black (jacket, dress shirt, pants, dress shoes) and the tallest, whitest socks I have ever seen on a gangly white guy. He was literally putting them on display.

- A middle aged man who looked like a gecko destroying a heart shaped jelly doughnut and having the shiftiest, shadiest eyes ever. (It was Valentine’s Day.)

- The girl 11 seats (I took the time to count) down from me would not stop attempting to have a conversation. She just kept repeating the same things over and over again. Attention… I cannot make out what you’re saying and I probably wouldn’t be interested if I could.

- I saw the brown haired version of Louis CK and got so excited for like a second.

-The most obnoxious guy of the day was definitely the weirdo getting off of a plane that was landing from New York at 7AM wearing white, fake oversized wayfarers. Neato dude. You look ridiculous. 

I would first like to say HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, ladies and gentlemen! I am not a fan of giant teddy bears or red roses, but I am a fan of love and glitter and sappy songs/movies. I enjoy this holiday even if it just involves me telling my best girlfriends that they are my true soul mates and being extra kind to people in general. I feel like if you’re single and make it your personal mission to despise Valentine’s Day it becomes a whole ordeal. Don’t make yourself and others miserable by being sad, bitter and eating a bucket of fried chicken and whipped cream out of the can. Have hope my friends, you never know what surprises life has in store. This leads me to sharing one of my favorite movies of all time. It isn’t your typical romance.

I was born in 1989, which just so happens to be the year the best romantic comedy of all time was released. I have seen “When Harry Met Sally” easily 50 times. I have been obsessed with it since I was a preteen. It is hilarious, genuinely sweet and timeless. I love that they are friends even though they are pretty much absolute opposites. I love that fact Meg Ryan doesn’t have crazy plastic surgery lips and pulls off the cutest damn navy gloves ever created. I love that Billy Crystal is blunt and cynical yet loves Karaoke. Most of all I love that it is a love story that spans years and doesn’t begin with strangers falling for each other the moment they meet. I cry during the end every single time. So if you are feeling a little drab on this day of love, please do yourself a favor and watch this movie.

XOXO, 

Tay

As you may of heard or seen, the Grammy Awards aired last night and we decided to post some thoughts on this out of control event. Please enjoy.

ASH:

- ok well we’re starting out with bruce springsteen so every teen just got up to get something to eat.

 - ok maybe i should have gotten up too. (it’s been three minutes, i need to calm down.)

- ok i can scream hey hey into a mic just as good as the rest of ‘em. also nate just called that guy a gypsy.

- CUT TO BLAKE AND MIRANDA!

- backswept hair.

- hahahahaha ll cool j? neato. (nate just said “as always, the nostradamus of our times.”)

- CUT TO BLAKE AND MIRANDA AGAIN!

- who is this connie britton look alike i keep seeing and getting excited about?

- HAHAHAHA i got so confused as to why they were giving so much air time to ll cool j then realized he is hosting. siiiick.

- bruno mars. for serious? hahahahahaha that insane blinking light crowd shot. everyone looked SO scared.

- nate during bruno mars “he’s not the wave rider crasher is he?” me - that’s sean kingston. nate - whatever.

- hahaha marc anthony get outta town son.

- i’m seriously going to punch bruno mars.

- nate about katy perry - “she’s dressed as meth.”

- hahaha is lil wayne lost?

- adele looks great and we should just start handing her all of the awards now.

- i’m not even watching chris brown perform i’m looking for vacation deals so nothing to offer on this one.

- ha. reba. she CONSTANTLY has the same look on her face.

- ok jason aldean, i don’t know who you are but i’ve had enough. the hugo gears in the background aren’t distracting enough to keep this going for me.

-  foo fighters do yo thang. i’m giving you a pass.

- uh…hey lioness rihanna?

- RIHANNA IS TRIANGLE SALLY!

- downton abbey is on. i’ve already seen it otherwise i would be giving up now.

- it looks like christ martin is genuinely afraid of her.

- chris martin does not age. ever. ever ever ever.

- i like that they’re giving gwenyth a shoutout with this shazazz effect on the screens.

- this ncis girl pauly is gonna haunt my life FOREVER. i have never seen that show in my entire life but i feel like i’ve only ever seen her face. 

- HAHAHAHAHA THOM YORKE DANCING.

- dave groehl gives a heartfelt speech and they lmfao them away.

- maroon 5/beach boys. nah thanks.

- has the foster the people guy ever been outside?
I’M GIVING UP AND GOING TO BEDDDDDDDD.  I ate at Cheesecake Factory with my in-laws today and cannot support my own body any longer.

TAY: 

- I thought Bruce Springsteen was dead. He is looking an awful lot like Lindsay Lohan’s father. Coincidence? I think not. 

- Hey Fergie, can your ponytail get any tighter? How slick is too slick? 

- Um LL Cool J, Bruce Springsteen is not always speaking to us, definitely not me.

- Nicki Minaj’s outfit looks like something that Vogue guy that is a judge on America’s Next Model that howls a lot and is always sassing Tyra would wear.

- Bruno Mars sure is a cute little lesbian.

- Winning a colonoscopy? Can someone explain those Ozzy Osbourne commercials? They are always shocking and deeply troubling.  

- If Adele gets any cuter, I’m going to burst with sunshine and Dachshund puppies.

- What a miracle, GARY COLEMAN CAME BACK TO LIFE! Solely to be Lady Gaga’s date! (Or should I say Jafar from Aladdin? What is that saber she has?)   

- Guys, we can’t be too angry at Chris Brown for beating women. He obviously doesn’t have ears, so he has never heard how to properly treat females or how terrible his song sounds!

- Marc Antony has never slept before. 

- Why do the announcers always pause when an artist wins but isn’t in attendance? You idiots know that the recipients aren’t running towards the stage. Say thanks and move out of the way! 

- Hey country man singing with my girl Kelly Clarkson, I don’t know who you are, but I do know you need to button your shirt up so we don’t have to be exposed to your disgusting chest.

- My name is Chris Martin, I never age. I grow hotter with every breath I take. 

- No one cares about that damn raven haired, gothic, weird NCIS chick. I bet she doesn’t even like music. Well, only Evanescence. 

-The Foo Fighters are all faces of innocence. 

- Ohhhh myyy gaaawwwddd, don’t we see enough of Ryan Seacrest? Ryan, it is okay if you’re not everywhere at all times.

- Adam Levine stop singing The Beach Boys before I castrate you even more than you already are. 

- What if bands were never allowed to break up? Like they were property of America… slaves to all of us? I mean I can’t think of any other reason why The Beach Boys would look so downtrodden and confused otherwise. To be clear, I adore them but really guys? You probably can’t even wash yourselves.

- Stevie Wonder is such a jokester. 

- Why is Paul McCartney dressed like a guy who plays the piano at Bloomingdale’s near the escalators for tips?

- The Civil Wars, you can’t be wildly talented and super hilarious! Choose one, you’re making the rest of us look like slackers. 

- Although Taylor Swift is 8 feet taller than I am, I still think I would be the winning Taylor in a fist fight between the two of us. However, I will say her bangs be looking fabulous. I may need some now.

- Adele winning Song of the Year for “Rolling in the Deep.” So freaking precious. 

- Clever trick, Katy Perry. Honestly, I was fooled. I thought everyone was dead. Luckily, the lights came back on to reveal your crimped hair. Surprisingly, it’s not just the crimped hair that is making me feel queasy, it is the fact you’re singing a hateful song about a man you were supposedly in love with and married to like a week ago. Can nothing be sacred or private? 

- Lady Antebellum, Ash and my favorite band, just won! Just kidding about them being our favorite… Or am I? 

- I mean Adele is only a year and a half older than me, but I think we have accomplished about the same amount of success in our lifetimes. 

- Blake Shelton is a tall drink o’ water. I happen to be a big fan of water. All Shelton brothers, I am single and ready to mingle. I’ll even wear boots? (I’d also like to point out that my mother was watching and text me : “That Blake Shelton is a lil yummy tiger.” 

- Pretty sure Carrie Underwood introduced Tony Bennett as Tony Benness, but I don’t think he minded since he was trying to figure out where the hell he was. 

- Justin Vernon of Bon Iver is my favorite human being. 

- I am weeping uncontrollably right now. Jennifer Hudson singing Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” is beyond moving and heart wrenching. My eyes are burning.   

- Ugh, I’m going to pretend the Grammy Awards that the inspirational Jennifer Hudson performance just kept going instead of this Chris Brown and white DJ guy who is in charge of all club music lately putting on a strobe light party. Or this weird Nicki Minaj exorcism thing going on. Gag me. 

- Basically all you need to know is that Adele won everything and ruled the show and the world. 

That’s all folks! 

Bobby Moynihan is one of our favorite current SNL cast members and probably one of our all time favorites as well. Here are some gems of him portraying his most hilarious characters. 

Snooki 

Drunk Uncle - Hey, baby Jesus, you wanna do pilates?

Guy Fieri - HALF THROTTLE!!! 

Rosie O’Donnell

Ash here. And ya’ll… I am in LOVE with Downton Abbey. It took me forever to get on this train. But now that I have, it is ON. (what does that even mean?) I spent like an hour explaining everything ever to Taylor last weekend, and I won’t make you guys sit through that. (I’m not sure you all like me as much as she does.) But here are some quick descriptions and thoughts on characters and plots that I hope help clear up some of the confusion in your life over whether or not you need to be in on this. (With that being said, I am absolutely not going to do this any justice and hope you give the show a chance anyway.)

This is Pa and Ma Crawley. (Earl and Countess of Grantham if you want to sound super fancy and like you’re probably super rude.) At first you’re all, they’re OK-ish I guess. Then in the second season he starts getting a little crazy and I’m all “Yo bro, back it up. Poor choices.” and Ma is all, my way or the highway. It’s a little bit much.

These are their daughters. Edith, Mary and Sybil. Mary is the oldest. At first, she is absolutely terrible and I couldn’t stand her. By the end of the second season I was demanding her happiness. Edith is ridiculous and is all into some old dude (Spoiler alert, too late. He’s way too old and is like, let’s end this now, I’m old.) Sybil is the youngest and really into politics and doing her own thing and blah blah, and surprise! Her Dad doesn’t like the guy she wants to marry. 

Here we have the Dowager Countess. Maggie Smith. AKA Professor McGonogall. She is Pa Crawley’s Mom. I’m not sure how she is able to move or talk but she does and it’s usually funny.

Here is what looks like a yearbook photo of the staff that works at Downton. Some of them are really cool (Mr. Bates is fifth from the right) and some of them are laaaaaaame. (O’Brien is the crazy stern lady in between the first two gentleman and Thomas is the last guy on the right. They’re nutso.) They see their fair share of drama (what with the murder trials and being sent off to war and whatnot) and add a certain flair.

And then we have Matthew. Through a bunch of crazy circumstances (let me give you a hint, a big ‘ole boat crashes and makes us know who James Cameron is) Matthew becomes the heir to Downton and a ton of money and stuff. He is wonderful and there is no way around it. He’s got a bunch of drama going on too but we love him anyway. Here he is looking kinda weird reading a newspaper.

I will leave you all with that. If my ramblings didn’t scare you away, you can see the first season on Netflix and then scramble around to obtain the rest. Please enjoy and then call me when you’re just as in love.

Where do I even begin? Like many young actors, he is seemingly hilarious and handsome. He is also extremely talented. Really, guys. The characters he has portrayed have been drastically different and yet completely believable. He first made us fall in love with him as Eduardo in The Social Network. How badly did we all want him to beat the crap out of Justin Timberlake? The answer is VERY badly. Next, at least for us, was Never Let Me Go. Both Ash and I read the book and saw the movie. It is probably one of the most heartbreaking stories ever told. However, he and Carey Mulligan are phenomenal and you should definitely watch it. Just make sure you have a day or maybe a month to recover from it. On a much lighter note, Andrew is the new Spider Man. Correction, he is the amazing Spider Man. His love interest is his real life love interest, Emma Stone and he wears a cool suit and saves the city. So… jump aboard the Garfield express if you haven’t already!  

Garfield & Mulligan on the set of Never Let Me Go.  

The two of us have been friends going on four years. We have lived together. We have cried together. We have definitely laughed together. We have cleaned up vomit together. We have seen lots of The Hills together. We have eaten salad out of the same giant bowl together. We have seen the best and the worst. In one of our favorite conversations, we mockingly yelled at one another “I bet you don’t even know my favorite colors!” (Keep in mind we are adults, but we are women and have multiple favorite colors, not just one.) 

Ash: “Um, yeah your favorite colors are definitely Tiffany blue, red & gold.”

Tay: “Okay, well yours are gray, teal and yellow.” 

Ash & Tay: “Hahahahahahahaha” 

This past Saturday night, we found ourselves roaming Michael’s pa-rousing art supplies. This is what our baskets looked like. I guess old habits die hard and true colors will always come through…

I have a wildly vivid (and extensively selective) memory. I remember stories with great detail and, as you have probably notice, live to share them. So here is another. Thanks to Jillian Irons for the recent reminder of this gem.

When I was in high school, my best friend since 4th grade gave me a call asking me for a favor. I was eating at a chinese place (actually, the same buffet that I once ate dinner at alone except this time I was with my husband who was my boyfriend at the time) as she explained that her partner for a project for the NHS had bailed last minute and she needed someone to help out at a haunted house they were running that night. Since I am only capable of shoving chinese food in my face for maybe, 2 hours at a time, I readily complied, happy to help a friend. Let the adventure begin.

We arrived at the barn they were hosting the haunted house at (I grew up in very rural area surrounded by farms and the amish) and immediately was informed that there would be nowhere to pee for the rest of the night. (cool start.) I hadn’t had time to go home and change and immediately recognized that I was going to be freezing for the remainder of this event. I was wearing a plain white tshirt with an iron on photo of Ferris Bueller on the front, and some strange light colored jeans with a pair of normal sneakers. I think I had a track jacket, but wasn’t allowed to wear it because it didn’t fit with my costume, which we will get to in just a moment. We were in charge of our own little section of the barn where people would be lead through on the tour. Our shtick was that a large spider (are you guys ready for this?) had attacked me and I was to warn the people passing by to get away while they still could while writhing on the floor and my best friend flashed a strobe light then jumped out at them dressed all in black. So naturally, my face was painted white, and I was wrapped in white yarn from head to toe. I’d like to add that the first time we did a run through, an entire wall of hay bales collapsed on me while I was laying on the floor flailing around. And this barn we were in was a legitimate barn therefore, it was filthy. It was pretty cold, I really had to pee, and was already filthy. Time to bring on the guests!

Honestly, this part of the night is pretty blurry. I just remember that I was like, I’m here, I’m all in. I don’t remember the exact time frame but I am pretty sure this went on for a minimum of two hours. When we were finished, my clothes were actually brown from the dust and dirt, and I started feeling a little achy and tired. My friends Dad picked us up and shortly thereafter I launched into a speech about how I wasn’t going to make it to their house. I was about to pee my pants. We couldn’t stop laughing at how ridiculous the whole situation was, and as we rolled through the backroads of Parkesburg PA I was begging for a bathroom. Luckily, we are blessed here in Pennsylvania with some of the greatest establishments in all of history. Wawa’s. The minivan pulled in, I stopped laughing for 4 seconds, and jumped up to the van door. Which of course, I absolutely could not get open. I was hysterical. I know I looked like a crazy person. Then finally! Her Dad opened the door from the outside and i TOOK OFF. I booked it through both sets of double doors (fancy!) and ran for the bathroom. I barely made it to the stall, but just in the nick of time, I avoided peeing my pants and said a silent prayer of thanks. When I was finished, I walked out to wash my hands and looked up in the mirror. It was only then that I realized I had just full on sprinted through a public place at top speed wrapped entirely in yarn, my face a disgusting grey, covered in dirt. It was an embarrassing walk back to the van to say the least. Once we got back to her house, we were both exhausted so we took showers, had another laugh and quickly went to sleep. (party. animals.)

As soon as I woke up in the morning I knew something was wrong. I felt really stiff and my whole body ached. My boyfriend was on his way to pick me up and I started getting up to change out of pajamas and get ready when I realized that my arm really hurt. I looked down and saw that my arms were COMPLETELY covered in purple and black bruises and my elbows were swollen out. I started to panic until I remembered why I looked that way, and couldn’t help but think it was hilarious even for a minute. My friend had woken up at this point and was horrified. When I lifted my shirt and pajama pants I realized that my hips and knees looked exactly like my arms and that I looked absolutely insane. The more I moved around the more I realized how badly it hurt. Then my boyfriend called. He was there to pick me up but there was one problem. See, this house is at the top of a small… let’s call it a mountain, and it was now raining pretty steadily outside. There are trees lining her driveway and his car wasn’t able to get up the driveway with the sopping wet leaves at the bottom so I was going to have to walk down the whole thing. Just know that my friend has been apologizing profusely this entire time (although absolutely nothing was her fault, i do wonder who the heck let us do that for that long. twilight zone.) It took me a ridiculous amount of time but I teetered down to the car, fell into my seat, and breathed a sigh of relief. The great mountain had not defeated me! I had to take what I could get. Obviously, I eventually recovered however I have yet to participate in anything remotely close to that and doubt that I ever will again.

I love this story. I probably hated it at the time, and I’m not sure why I let myself get so carried away with this honorable and high demand acting gig, but I am pretty sure I just wanted to help out my friend. So all in all, somehow it was worth it. ALTHOUGH, I did ruin my Ferris Bueller shirt and looked like I had escaped from a prison I’ve had plenty of laughs over the situation and had something to share with you guys today. So if you’re ever sad, just think of me slowly scuttling down a leafy driveway in the rain, completely black and blue laughing at myself. Enjoy.

Ash.

Model Wife Episode 2: “Sleeping Wife” from Model Wife Show on Vimeo.

1. Candles - Yeah, they make your home smell great and they can make you feel like a fancy queen. Buy yourself a delightful scent and bask in the relaxation.

2. Ginger ale - It is not just for sickies anymore. 

3. Vaseline with cocoa butter - Winter and work and washing have literally destroyed our hands. Slather your dry skin with this before bed and wake to magical results.

4. Oh, John Ritter, how we love thee. 

5.  If Kristen Bell & Dax Shepard weren’t adorable enough. 

I love stories. I love when an underdog prevails. I love when good overcomes evil. However, I cannot say I love comics. I have nothing against them, I’m just not part of the elite group of supermodel type girls that collect comic books, video games and hot dog eating contest ribbons. However, I do collect movies. And I can get REALLY into a superhero movie. 

I would personally like to thank the people in charge of casting Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone in The Amazing Spider-Man movie and Robert Downey Jr., Mark Ruffalo, Jeremy Renner and Chris Evans in The Avengers. Seriously, it warms my heart to think of these people together, saving the world.

If any of you are at either midnight premiere, I’ll be the weird girl in the back hyperventilating because I can’t handle all the beauty appearing on the screen. 

Instead of ending with hugs & kisses, I’ll end with…

Powerful punches & pleathery suits,

Tay

This weekend I went home to visit my parents and spend some time back in the BOOMING metropolis known to some as Parkesburg, Pennsylvania. (population roughly 3500, we’re comin’ for ya NYC!) Friday night I was driving through town, heading to a dingy truck stop diner that I frequented during my teenage years and started feeling pretty ridiculously sentimental and nostalgic. I felt like I was 17 again and had a hard time believing how much of my life has changed in the last 7 years. While there are certainly some things that I miss from that time in my life, there is an even greater list of things that I was more than happy to leave behind. 7 years feels like a million. But it caused me to remember some of the things that were important to me at that time in my life and I was straining to remember what it was that had my heart at that time. Here are some of the things I came up with.

This song. I was SO into this album. While I was driving to and from the diner I actually tried to find a way to play this song from my phone to complete the moment but Parkesburg and it’s surrounding areas are a nightmare when it comes to cell phones and their ability to complete tasks. So I settled with humming/singing it out loud alone like a complete weirdo. Anyway, I was real into this song, and I remember feeling like 23 was a million years away.

The movie Better Off Dead. I watched this a lot as a kid. (Seriously, I watched and loved a lot of things as a kid that maybe weren’t the best, but hey…no regrets.) I was in love with this version of John Cusack and at 17 I refused to believe that he no longer looked like this. 

Orange soda. I think that I honestly had some sort of weird addiction to orange soda for a bit. I distinctly remember pulling into a Wawa at like, 11pm being like, “I gotta have one! I just gotta!” So weird.

Weird jobs. Apparently I could only have really strange jobs at this point in my life. My first job ever was when I was 17 and I worked at a local grocery store. That one was pretty awesome. After that, it got a little sketchy. Blockbuster (with some guy named Nathan who only wore baby blue and was obsessed with Jesse McCartney and From Justin to Kelly), Big Dogs (I’ve written about this job on here before, please give it a read if you haven’t, a ridiculous amount of stories on that one), and even working at my cousins pizza place (deaf delivery boy that everyone would have to lovingly scream at, running out of pizza dough, serving people half cooked chicken tenders because no one taught me how to use the fryer/proper cooking times…WHAT OF IT?). 

And last but certainly not least…this car. Have you ever really missed your first car? Well, whatever. I did. My red Ford Escort was a champion! Red Rocket, here’s to you. I’ll never forget all of the trash I kept on your floors, the horrible music I played through your speakers (LOOK, if you didn’t have your license and could only sit in your car and listen to the Say Anything soundtrack on repeat while you cleaned the dashboard again, you would learn to love it too), and all of the ridiculousness that took place with your assistance. Muah!