So last night I had a really weird dream that my leg was literally falling apart and I had to run away from a fireworks display gone wrong. I am super confused about what that is supposed to mean. I realllllllllly wish that I had some type of control over whatever ridiculous dreams run through my head on a nightly basis. Here are the first few ideas that come to mind.
-I’m 11 and Jimmy Fallon is my older brother. We go shopping for Airwalks and make fun of the circus.
-I win a battle against LL Cool J. Doesn’t matter what we’re battling for/over/against, I win.
-I can fly, but only like three feet off the ground so I just zoom around and mock people on the street while feeling a LITTLE bit safer.
-I invented Orange Julius.
-I have a pet penguin that wears tiny tshirts and only answers to the name Uzi. He dances like Tracey Jordan on Conan on various street corners and we make a killing.
-I’m allergic to everything except marshmallows. (?)
-The picture frames on my apartment walls are never crooked and whenever someone walks in the door the first thing they exclaim is “HOW LOVELY!”
-I am a professional cake taster. I do not get fat/turn into Bruce from Matilda.
-My bangs always look great.
Maybe now that I’ve thrown them out there, they’ll all become real. Fingers crossed.