Hey ladies and gents, otherwise known as our parents and three friends, we have a cool little announcement. We know hilarious people. So maybe we actually have more like seven friends? Anyways, since we are greedy and they aren’t clever enough to have their own Tumblrs or blogs we have asked them to write for us. Every Sunday, we’ll be sharing a random post from one of our pals. Might be serious, might be silly, might be ridiculous, but always thoroughly wonderful.
This week, to get the party started we asked Alison Vance to share.
- Challenge them to a nerf shoot off when they break the law then proceed to hang a ‘wanted’ picture of them on the fridge.
- Challenge them to light saber dual to protect all that is good and pure… AKA nap time.
- Poke them with sticks until they eat their greenbeans.
- Make them dress up like lawn gnomes and stand very still then scare unknowing people as they walk by.
- Deliver a pizza. Seriously. What would you do if a child delivered your pizza? Now, think about if it was a two-year old child…eh?
- Make them sit in a box on the side-walk and jump out and scare people as they walk by.
- Basically scare lots of people as often as we can.
- Teach them cheesey 90’s catch phrases. “You got it dude!” “How you doin’?”
- Sing The Brady Bunch theme song over and over and over.
- Take hilarious and embarrassing Christmas card pictures. (Think footie pajamas.)
- Force them to be my friends. That means we’re going to the movies, guys.
- Read them their miranda rights everytime they break ‘mom’ law.
- Make them wear hats with spinners on top.
- Have theme days and dress up as families from iconic TV shows.
- Make home-made movie trailers. (In a world where time-out is torture and peas are it’s ally.) *read in movie trailer guy voice obviously.
- Make them sing kareoke with me.
- Read the evening news at the dinner table into our spoons. (And today’s top story is, The Fordman was held hostige for five minutes in time-out today. He was said to have been armed and dangerous.)
I’m Alison. My kids are Ford and Isabel. More frequently referred to as Izzy and The Fordman. I am an extremely embarrassing parent. And most of the time I feel like I’m losing my mind. When did I last shower? Sometimes you’ll find me remembering the hobbies I used to enjoy other then having kids. If I’m not with my family you’ll find me A) Passed out in a corner somewhere. B) Hiding in a corner somewhere. C) Running down the street Judd Nelson style pumping my fist screaming, “FREEDOM!” D) Trying to remember how to socially interact with the human race. So, you’re telling me baby talk isn’t okay?
I love motherhood and all the things that come with it. I have literal uh… poop storms… and I wouldn’t trade my son running his sticky hands through my hair for the world. Somedays I have other dreams, hopefully I can express those soon. But, for now, I’ve run out of sanity. I was only allotted so much, and I had to type quickly in order to get out a string of words that makes sense. Hopefully you find motherhood as humorous and crazy as I do. If not, good luck and Godspeed.
XOXO Gossip Girl
Wait… no, that’s not right.
XOXO Diaper Genie